Deconstructing Myself

Looking back at previous posts, it seems I’ve transitioned a fair bit as I have continued reading and thinking. No longer objecting to certain thoughts, no longer holding tightly to any remnant of evangelical christianity. I can’t define my beliefs with any certainty now, and that’s the place I like to be. I have to agree with John Hunt on the present status of much of the church.

Despite the support he got from some of them, and the similarity in some respects of their teaching, the people who Jesus consistently cursed were not the pagans or the backsliders, but the believers……He cursed them not because of what they did, but because of what they did not do. They put law above compassion, God above goodness……They valued their religion, their truth, God’s truth, above people, above unconditional love. The church is no different today….If Jesus really did come back today those he would curse, again, are those most sure of their salvation.

Hard to swallow but must be considered. Instead of moving towards a more globally sustainable and loving lifestyle, I found myself a guilt-ridden individual, under the burden of my daily sins that constantly had to be confessed to be forgiven. Since the world was going to hell, I had a major responsibility to try to save a few. Life revolved around trying to fit my life around the morality of the biblical text. It meant endless bible studies to try to understand the meaning and application for my life, listening to christian music and reading christian books. Essentially, I tried to fit my life around a system that in the end I found was futile.

In deconstructing myself, I loosed myself from all these influences that destroyed my soul. The Bible is no longer a perfect text, superior to all religious truth. It is the work of men (and women?) writing of experiences and stories that they received. It is full of flaws, no less in some very imperfect images of God as a deity intent on destroying entire nations and aiding some horrific acts.

Seeing this way is admittedly confusing. I just can’t fall back on faith that the Bible is the accurate Word of God, and so therefore what I don’t understand I must simply trust God. Yet I’m now empowered for a more fulfilling and rewarding life. There is still much in the life and teachings of Jesus worthy to embrace, but it must be taken into account that this was a Jewish sect, Jesus was another prophet within Judaism who did not intend to branch off into another religion, but rather restore a more wholesome spirituality. This was just what the previous prophets had sought to achieve. Since we’re not first century Jews, and since it must be taken into consideration that the ‘gentiles’ took Jesus as their own, we can now embrace what Jesus had to say about living well, with all good truth found everywhere.


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