I Am Afraid

Is this all that there is?
Can I not expect a beyond this experience?
This thought scares and disappoints me.
There has got to be deeper meaning, there has got to be more beyond this.
But I feel that what I know is mere shadow.
The darkness has descended,
And all I can feel is the emptiness.
I am alone.
I am afraid.
A veil has fallen over my mind.

You know, it is ever so hard to let go.  I don’t want to label my beliefs as superstition, but at the same time I don’t want to hold on to something that isn’t true.  I’m having to let go of so much that I’ve held dear, because I’m realizing that I’m more than a rat in a box.


3 responses to “I Am Afraid

  • Mike aka MonolithTMA

    I’m very happy in my de-conversion, but I’m not 100% an atheist. My feeling is that there could be something bigger than all of this, but all of this is just so good. This is enough for me. 🙂

  • Gary

    I cannot call myself an atheist either. Fact is, I can’t identify with anything. Like yourself, my hunch is that there is some kind of greater intelligence in the universe, but I hesitate to call it ‘God’.

  • MonolithTMA

    Well, I’m technically 99.99% atheist, I just can’t prove a god doesn’t exist and don’t have any great desire to try, plus there is really nothing to lead me to think there would be. That being said, the world is a wondrous place, and if there is an order to it, an ebb and flow, a pulse of life that goes beyond mere biology and physics, and some choose to call that God, I have no problem with that. It’s when people start trying to control other people with what they claim God said that I have a problem.

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